Thursday, August 14, 2008

My children's mother died yesterday.




Maybe you're not like me. Maybe your stomach didn't tighten up when you read that. Maybe you had a different initial thought. Aww... No. What? Oh.... You may have already come to a complete grasp of the dark reality of the life of the adopted. Amidst the frenzy of all the, well, frenzy, I think I may have missed this. ALL the grief. tragedy. injustice. This time it wasn't 143 million or billions of this or that or a pandemic. This time it was simple enough. Adada, the biological mother of our twins just died. We met her 100 days ago. She definitely looked tired. old. beaten up. I think she was 40. She made the trek via cab to Addis Ababa to complete the greatest gesture of love I think a mother could ever make, and with grace. I still wonder how she did it. IT. Give your kids to someone else so they could have a chance at a better life. And IT. Sit in a room and not scream out in anger at the cold harsh reality and injustice of a sick widow from Africa, staring over the table at a couple of clean cut punks with nice clothes, fair complexions, and only quietly tear up while handing them off. Beyond that, she was grateful.

The reason Jambo & Kume were an answer to OUR prayer is because their Dad DIED. Jambo told me the other night: "He's up there. He close eyes." That's what I heard. Their mother "was sick and unable to care for them". I ripped through that sentence on the referral bio in about 2 seconds. That means a little more to me now.

So we just got "the call" from Natalie. One on the home phone, another on the cell. We are not waiting for a referral. We are not, not, not . But . . . Jambo and Kume have a sister, almost 2 years old. Today an orphan. Soon to be in Gladney's care. Would we consider??? This is something we can't do. We can't have 6 kids. Not yet. We can't do a 2 year old. We can't afford $22,000 more. We're still adjusting. We're not ready yet. We are already stretched and exhausted. We can't consider this. We can't NOT consider this. This was not our plan.

We don't know.

GOD has a plan here. We don't think it's us, but we are not able to thwart the plans of the great CREATOR, nor would we want to. Is it us?

We don't know.

Here's our request. We hope you would pray for the right family to be lifted up, to be open. This was not our plan. God knows. But He just wants us to lift this child up and trust HIM. Trust in how He will set this child into her family. And be open if His plans are not our plans.

We don't know.

by Farmboy (glancing around and wondering how we would fit a high chair around the table...)

43 comments:

Jana said...

oh, i am so so sorry. i will pray.

The Hamblins said...

We have been looking into adoption and I came across your blog a little while back and have been following it since.

I'm very sorry to hear of your children's mom. So very sad, but how great it is that God put these children in your lives so that their lives can be full of the things that they need and desire.

We are looking to adopt a 2-3 year old little girl from Ethiopia in about a year. Our bio daughter just turned 3 today. When I read about their sister, my heart ached because I wish we were at a different place to be able to help. She is exactly what we would want in our arms if it was only a year later than now. I will be praying for her to find a new home soon and that she will be at peace about her mother's passing.

Rebecca said...

I just burst into tears when I read your post. So unbelievably sad. We have room for a little girl! I would take her in a heartbeat. My heart is breaking for your kiddos and for this precious little girl.

The Red Thread Kids: said...

praying for her family to come forward for her. take care.

Jennifer and Jody said...

farmboy and buttercup- this post caused me to sit at my desk and cry. as i anticipate going to pick up our son in a few short weeks, the reality that his mother did what she felt she had to do and the grief she must feel and that he will one day feel is immeasurable. there is a plan here. can you email me? jjelst@gmail.com
i am praying.

Cat & Mark said...

I know your thoughts and feelings. Your fears and concerns. And I know that you will come to peace at some point. In the meantime, we'll keep you in our thoughts and prayers, as we will the twins and their mother.

The Roberts Family said...

Okay ... so I was just popping over to your blog to retrieve your email because I have news I wanted to email you today. I was NOT expecting to see this post. My heart is breaking with you ... I totally get the "grieving". Oh my dear friend ..... may God be glorified as you guys seek Him with your whole hearts during this difficult season. Know that I'm here if you need to chat.

Much love~ Shelly

The Roberts Family said...

And I have to add .... Ethiopian babes don't like high chairs at first, they are foreign to them ... so no need for one ... just an open lap. :) On a more serious note though .... you can count on us praying with you guys through this!!! Much love~ Shelly

Denise said...

Oh, my, I'm so sorry that their birthmom passed away... I wish we had been able to meet Sarah's birth family but we didn't. To have her photo and had that opportunity to meet her is priceless. I'll pray for you and for that little girl...

I WOULD GATHER CHILDREN said...

Gosh Sharon, what a very difficult situation. How very sad and unfair really. I KNOW how you feel. MC's mom is not sick and she only relinquished MC until 2 weeks later after we came home we got a phone call. She had relinquished her two sons. MC's brothers. Her blood brothers... I could not even speak on the phone through my tears and I knew God was telling us no. Yet, I felt so sad, so guilty. After counsel and two weeks the answer was still no. But God is so awesome because another family fell to their news when they heard what had happened and prayed and MC's brothers are now home...to the perfect, perfect family for them. They live 3 MILES from our front door! I wanted the plans to be different but my husband was sure we weren't the parents for two more children. Our pastor agreed as did many others. God is good...even when His plans don't line up with ours. I will pray. Maybe God is calling you and maybe He isn't. Obeying His "yes" is just as important as obeying His "no". Either way obeying can be really hard to do!
With all hope!
jen in mi

coffeemom said...

OH my goodness! I am sorry. For her. For your babes. For you. How hard and sad. It makes me cry and ache. I will keep you and these kids and this little one in my prayers. Sometimes God throws curve balls, and well, it will work out the way it is supposed to. God knows. God bless you and them and her.

Sarah said...

my heart goes out to you. we are also adopting from ethiopia and i have often wondered how i will feel if i get to meet our child's birth mother. i know this is a difficult time but God will show you the way. I'll be praying for the child in Ethiopia who lost her mother and for your family.
sarah

Jennifer Morgan said...

We will keep her and your family in our prayers. How we would love to take her into our family!!

The Albertsons said...

THIS. This is reality. Sweet family- if you are called to this, you CAN and you WILL do it. God will either raise up a family to adopt this child, or it will be you. If it is YOU, then you will have the grace, the sanity, the will to go on and do this. HE will carry you. HE will show you the way. HE will provide. If Gladney wants you to adopt this child, then you will propose to them that the fees that can be waived will be waived. Email me. I'd love to help in any way.
LOVE to you all...
becca

Anita said...

Dear, dear friends - I know I can call you that already because we understand the amazing gift God has called adoption. I just found your blog only days before this post and there were two things I thought...first I saw your precious children from Ethiopia and thought they are BEAUTIFUL! And the next thing I thought I will write to you personally. Please know that in the midst of this grief and uncertainty, our God is there with you, your children and was certainly with their momma too. Hugs from a new friend! ~Anita

Rhea Anne said...

I am so sorry about the lose of their mother. I will be praying for you, them, and the family that will take their sweet sister. I will also pray for God's will and for the openess of your eyes just incase the highchair is coming your direction. Many blessings,

Wolfemom said...

So sad and yet bittersweet. She had to be so releived to know the twins had a family to raise and love them. I will pray over this. God has the perfect plan. Oh, the heartaches that come with the children God give to us. His will be done.

Jim and Debbie said...

My heart aches right along with you. Praying that God will reveal His sovereign plan and fill you all with His perfect peace.

atHisrighthand said...

My deepest sypathy goes out to you. I have so much love for my Matthew's birth mother and often think of her. So I can only imagine how you are feeling.
In reading your blog I keep thinking that our thoughts and plans are not the thoughts and plans of God's... He just wants us to walk with Him in obedience... It is certainly a leap of faith at times. We were going to be done with adopting Matthew and now here we are waiting for a referral of 2 more children... Who knows where we will go from there... We say we are done at 5.. who knows. I have no idea how I would feel to be in your situation...
Well know that I have prayed already. God has a plan for this precious little one and if you are the plan, He will make a way... If not, He will direct the path in the direction it needs to go..

Many blessings to you and much sypathy!
Elise

Kristy -Mom to 4 and soon to be more! said...

OH MY GOODNESS Farmboy & Buttercup!!!!!!!!!!!! I have no words for you...just prayer. I will leaving for Addis on the 30th if you need anything. You know how to get in touch with me if you just need talk, or shout, or scream....
Blessings,
Kristy

Apryl said...

Too much reality--I'm speechless. I'm so, so sorry for your children and I'm praying that God will show you, with astounding clarity, whether He wants this little girl in your family. My prayers often start with, "I'm an idiot-what do you want us to do?"

I'll be praying for you all-
apryl

Apryl said...

Too much reality--I'm speechless. I'm so, so sorry for your children and I'm praying that God will show you, with astounding clarity, whether He wants this little girl in your family. My prayers often start with, "I'm an idiot-what do you want us to do?"

I'll be praying for you all-
apryl

losiloni said...

your family is in my prayers

Anonymous said...

I'm so very sorry to read this. I know your hearts must be breaking. I'm very sad today because my husband just met with our son's birth mother. So my melancholy was made even worse thinking about your situation. I cannot imagine the things going through your head right now.

I pray your answer is made clear.

Jan

Nikki said...

I am so sorry to hear this, and I am hoping that the right family, whoever that may be, is found soon.

Nikki
www.madebynikki.blogspot.com --> blog stylizing to raise money for my Ethiopia mission trip!

J, A and T said...

We will keep you all in our prayers!

erika's funny farm said...

With tears, I pray for your family and for the precious little one left behind. May she soon be comforted in teh arms of her forever mama and daddy.

kikstra said...

I've thought about you about 100 times since reading this yesterday- praying for peace and clarity for you!

~Laura~ said...

oh, that is absolutely heartbreaking. I'm so so sorry. Praying for you and your children's little sister. Praying that God sent's the perfect family for her...the one that He predestined for her from the beggining of time. Praying that God gives you clarity! ((hugs))

Natalie Fournet said...

His ways are not our ways....I am learning that more every day of this process.

Praying for you, your family, and this precious girl.

emily said...

I am with Natalie. His plans are so often different than our own. I know that to be true of our journey to Ethiopia so far. :)

Will pray for wisdom and clarity for you guys.

Mindy said...

Thinking and praying for you all.

Cindy said...

I am so sorry. We have thought hard and often about our daughters family. We hope to never receive that call. I am so sorry that you did. All of you will be in our thoughts. I hope that your babies sweet sister will find her perfect family.

Hauswife said...

Oh my, oh my, oh my! I'm so sorry that your kids' birth mother died. We know we have that future ahead of us, too, and it's so very sad. I'm praying for you right now about this huge decision you have ahead of you... to adopt again this little orphan sibling, or to let her be adopted into another family. Wow, that's so tough! Praying...

Dana said...

I could only cry as I read your post. I will pray that you are led to the right decision for your family. God Bless.

The Six of Us said...

Many prayers going up for this little girl, now alone. Prayers that the siblings can stay connected if only through friendship. GIve your twins hugs!

Laurel said...

I am praying that you will be open to exactly what GOD wants for your family, whether it is 5 kids, 6 kids, or 16 kids. God's plan is most often not our plan. When we got married, we told everyone we wanted 6 kids. They told us we would change our mind (after realizing how difficult parenting is). Yes, we changed our mind. We stopped at 10 kids. But ... God didn't stop there. We just brought 3 home from Ghana. Yes ... God's plan, not our plan.

Will be praying for you as you make this difficult decision. Oh yes ... if it is God's plan, than you must trust HIM for the $22,000. Last summer, an anonymous donor gave $15,000 to pay for the majority of our adoption. God's plan!

Andrea said...

This brings me to tears. What a sad phone call to receive. But on another note, you are in our thoughts at this time. We pray HE will point you in the right direction. We pray if it is you, HE will put the decision in your hands for you to grasp simply. Although we may not always understand, HE knows what exactly what He is doing...
If there is anything we can do or help with...let us know!

sparkz said...

Wow. I read that and yes my response was a gasp and then "NO!" and tears soon to follow. It does break your heart! I wish more people realized and were educated about this. Wow. I don't know if it is meant to be or not but I believe God does everything for a reason. Don't forget that there are always loans and grants. If not hopefully someone will adopt her that is close or who can let her visit her siblings every once in a while. I'll pray for you.

Sarah said...

just found you blog by chance and was completely unprepared for that story. I am heartbroken for your twins loss- again. I can't imagine how you begin to process that as their mother & explain that to them as time goes on. Good luck with your decision-- you will find the right path for your family.

Holly said...

What hard hard hard news. I bet there was some crying and a lot of confusing emotions flying at your house. I'll be praying for all of you... that God will direct your steps and your hearts.

Colleen said...

If you decide to adopt their little sister, how about someone having a benefit for you (to raise $$)? Everyone would win.

Kimmie said...

We'd be happy to pray for you...God certainly has ways that we can't understand. His ways are so much higher and for Him, money isn't ever the focus. He has a cattle on a thousand hills...He can just sell a couple to meet your need.

May God guide your every step...your story has moved my heart, especially where He has me standing right now.

Kimmie
mama to 6
one homemade and 5 adopted