I was just recommended the VERY good book, Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child by Patty Cogen, from a wise, always learning adoptive mom, Becca.
I would highly recommend this book.
I have recently slipped into a comfortable place (maybe a bit lazy), not necessarily thinking about things happening in the family as adoption related or not. I wouldn't recommend that you do the same.
One theme that is addressed throughout the book is chronological age of your adopted child, compared with family age, defined as the length of time a child has been in the adoptive family. This has been very eye-opening. I think I sort of naively figured that we were now moving on to just "normal" parenting, not really needing to assess situations with "adoption" lenses. But this concept has helped me recognize that although the twins regularly exhibit some behaviors that are a little annoying, and not incredibly endearing for a 5 yr old, these behaviors are extremely normal in a one yr old. For some reason, this has been truly freeing for me, and has helped me be able to enjoy the constantly trailing behind me around the house, and be open to snuggling with a twin, who clamors up onto my lap the minute I sit down, to lovingly reach down and pick up a twin with arms raised to be held (bonus -- maybe I will have beautifully buff arms for summer), things like that. Of course, I would do that with my one yr old, and would expect him or her to behave that way. The book does an excellent job of teaching us that this is a l.o.n.g process, and that adoption related issues and concerns will be surfacing regularly for years.
I am not ignorant. I read many, many books prior to adopting the twins, so I wasn't uneducated, but sometimes you need to be in the middle of the situation to truly get what you have learned. You know, to have those "Aha" moments. I have had many while reading this. This book came at a time that my brain could connect it well to our current experiences, and I am grateful for that.
Oh, there are massive amounts of good stuff in the book, this is simply the one that resonated the most with me at this time.