old/new . . . . big/little

Yes, sweet Cheyenne is gone. Yes, I told the kids we would probably get another dog sometime next fall. Yes, we just got a Beagle named Bo. We got him Friday from a wonderful friend in my prayer group. I was sharing our grief over the loss of Cheyenne at my prayer group (an incredible group of women I am SO blessed to do life with) and hours later I was bringing home Bo to "test drive" him with our family. I am such a sucker.

Also, we are on to another layer of attaching. The past couple days the twins have been wondering about breast feeding. I have a feeling they nursed up until they had to say goodbye to their Ethiopian mother in December. My first response as they started to reach for me was "sweetie, that is private" until I recognized this was probably a bonding layer as they feel more connected with me, so I have been pretty open to them. I informed them that Mommy's milk is all gone, then yesterday Kume cracked me up when she hit the nail on the head. My dear daughter ultimately declared, "Lots of milk -- BIG, milk all gone -- LITTLE," using both her voice and hand gestures for emphasis and clarity. Okay, okay, they're little.

Kids . . . say . . . the . . .darnedest . . . things.

Cheyenne the dog - April 28, 2000 - June 9,2008

After a couragous battle with liver disease (and the end coming much more quickly than we expected) . . . we put our sweet, sweet dog Cheyenne to sleep today. She was a very good dog and despite her lack of interest in playing fetch (unless there was peanut butter on the ball) she was just perfect in so many ways.

Just last week, we were enjoying a hike in one of our favorite parks.

She started getting sick a few days later.

I came across this some time ago... I thought it was creative, and true in a ridiculous sort of way.

15 things we can learn from dogs:
1. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joy ride.
2. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
3. When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
4. When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience.
5. Let others know when they’ve invaded your territory.
6. Take naps and stretch before rising.
7. Run, romp, and play daily.
8. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.
9. Be loyal.
10. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
11. When someone is having a bad day, be silent. Sit close by and nuzzle them gently.
12. Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
13. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
14. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
15. No matter how often you’re scolded, don’t buy into the guilt thing and pout…. run right back and make friends
16. Delight in the simple joys of a long walk.

Our eldest may have taken it the hardest... He stayed up with her until midnight, then slept with her in the bathroom her last night with us. Ahh, a boy and his dog.

We will miss you, you sweet, lovable old girl.

real

So I am at work, just returning for my one night a week, and since it is slow I get the chance to check out some of my favorite blogs.

Today, I needed to check them out because it was a hard day for me. Honestly, it wasn't anything in particular, in fact, I can't remember any real difficulties, I just felt like I didn't have IT to give today. That is a tough part of the journey. Those days when things just don't make sense, when you feel down for no apparent reason, when you just feel exhausted and don't feel head-over-heels over your kids.

Driving in to work, though, I felt God gently remind me that love is a commitment, not a feeling. And even though today I had a hard time mustering up deep, loving "feelings", I can trust God to give me what I need to be completely committed to my family. I initially was a little disappointed (yes, total understatement) that my employer would not grant me the 12 weeks family leave that I would have gotten if I had given birth (that really is absolutely ridiculous). But I now understand that God knew I would need to be away from my family for a few hours to see the bigger picture, His bigger picture. So, after reading some blogs and doing some praying and just reminding myself of the Truth, I am ready to go home and hug my kids.

There, a real post.