Ever just want to scream?

Sometimes I just don't get it.

Today we got an update from our case worker. Totally appreciate the update, but frustrated with the news. There are several things that still need to be completed before our case can be submitted to the court so we can have a court date. Great-aunt needs to file for custody for Li'l B in order to be able to relinquish her to be placed for adoption. This is a process that she will complete through the local court in the area where she is from. There are other documents that she must obtain from government offices in her area (documents required for relinquishment cases and a document verifying the death of the children’s mother), and she has been informed of what is needed and how to obtain the documents. My immediate reaction is, "ARE YOU KIDDING?" None of this has been done yet? Why??? She was brought to the Gladney foster care last AUGUST, and now great-aunt is being instructed on how to get the required documents. What about the past 8 months???

And here I was just thinking we were waiting on a call from Natalie for our court date. Ha! Well, at least now I don't have to get a tad excited every time the phone rings for a while.

So discouraged (you know the kind, where you feel like someone just punched you HARD in the gut), but I know I won't stay in this place long. It sucks to be here, and I have been able to trust God in the past, so need to throw this on his back and trust in him again.

Glad God is NEVER surprised.

Anna Maria Island, Florida

So we did the long trek to Florida, and we are pleased to say we drove straight through, all 21 hours of it. There is just a little bit of pleasure to know we accomplished that challenge and survived and didn't have to plunk down more cash for a hotel each way. Would definitely do it that way again. Unbelievably, on the way home, all the kids went to sleep around 11:30pm, and WE HAD TO WAKE THEM UP 10 HOURS LATER, at 9:30am for breakfast. Lucky kids!!! What adult can sleep like that?




This is how many shells Kume could get in about 5 minutes. Yeah, we have a huge bucket of them at home now. Any suggestions on what to do with them???




So, CJ contemplated getting a tan, you know, trying to be all teenager-ish. He lost interest in about 10 minutes, and acted like the boy we know.



Day 1 -- Casperson Beach, near Venice Beach. A fanastic place to body surf, and the best place around to search for shark teeth. It was really wavy this particular day, and we all got thrown around quite a bit, with scratches and blood all over our still-white legs.



Kume scanning the sand for shark teeth. We collected about 50 of the little buggers.


This was the view from our deck. We were sooooo spoiled. I think we set the bar too high, no one will ever want to go to a place not directly on the gulf like this. It was great for all of us, the kids could go back and forth from condo to the beach or pool, and we didn't have to lug anything down to the beach except our iced tea and magazines. Rough life!



First Easter ever for the twins, so we had to decorate eggs.



We had one rather cold day, so we hunted around for a decent nature hike. On our hike, Action found this sea-life "thing" that squirted out ink when he touched it (don't worry --- with his shoe). We explored and ran into some other interesting wild life, and then watched some dolfins put on a show for us in the bay, so this colder weather day was still spectacular.



Okay, so we didn't bring toys for the older boys, as they are more into sports equipment than anything else. Surprisingly, they built stuff with these blocks almost as much as Jambo did.


This was the most "work" that Farmboy had to do this week. Oh, I guess he did wipe down the counter about 942 times.

Anna Maria Island is fantastic. Would love to venture there again.



But, hey, I am heading to Texas next week for hopefully more warm weather. There is an orphan/adoption summit there April 29-May 1. Anyone else gonna be there? Natalie from Gladney is going. Think I can corner her into giving me my court date?

stalls and obstacles along the way

Many in the adoption community know that there are now new TB requirements in place set up by the CDC for all internationally adopted kids, and the US embassy in Ethiopia needs to comply. For most kids, this will only add a minimal wait, if any. We're talking something like adding on a couple days to a couple of weeks. For HIV+ kids, however, the embassy is requiring that all kids undergo extensive testing for TB, even if they initially test negative for TB. And they are estimating results to be in within 2-3 months. Another part of the bummer is that none of the testing can take place until after a successful court date. Sooooo, that means we wait at least another 2-3 months after a successful court date before we can travel, but we are told to plan on it realistically adding on 4 months to the wait.

There is a chance there could be some better news in the future. There is a great advocacy agency, projecthopeful.org, that is committed to help with this in any way they can. But in the mean time, I guess we just try to stay at peace with how this is all unfolding, since I haven't found a Bible verse yet that says something like -- give thanks in all circumstances, unless you hear frustrating news from your embassy. I am still looking for, rejoice always, unless you feel like you are getting the shaft, then you have permission to get really grumpy.

one year as this family

On April 14, 2008, we held our newest children in our arms for the first time. What a year it has been. At this point last year we were kinda thinking this was it. Our family was complete. Ha! We keep learning it never works to try to figure this life out. God is far too unpredictable.

In many ways, this year went much better than expected. The twins began adjusting well from the start, with a few bumps along the way. The siblings are all just that -- siblings.

We are truly blessed.

But in other ways, this year was incredibly difficult. I was expecting "difficult", I read up on the adjusting, talked with many other families. But knowing what it would possibly be like, and actually experiencing it are worlds apart. We have had our fill of laughter, tears, joy, silliness, exhaustion, teasing, joking, impatience, frustration, peacefulness, anticipation and fear. Times of simply basking in the goodness of God's blessings poured out on us, along with moments of holding on to our faith through slipping fingernails. I have noticed that when I am in the middle of the massive stuff, I don't really analyze how tough or not it is. But as I reflect on this past year today, it is pretty amazing to see what God has brought us through, and how he uses those difficult moments to continue to prune, refine, purify us. Well, his plan is to make us more like his son. Yeah, in my case that definitely takes a lot of work, so I am sure the refining will continue.

We will see what next year holds. No, I am not going to predict anything (ok, except I do hope to be holding another little one sometime this year), but I am going to keep trusting our trustworthy God every step.

Hey, and April 14, 2009, just happens to be the 20th anniversary of when Farmboy and I first met. See, you really can meet your future spouse at a toga party. God is so cool!

Our new ride

Oh, we LOVED our Honda Odyssey. It was very good to us for the past 10 years. But, hey, we need a car that fits 8 now, and thought it was about time.

The plan was to buy the new car once we had the successful court date. No, we don't have a court date yet.

A huge motivator -- we leave for a 21 hour trip to Florida on Thursday. All of a sudden, it seemed crucial to get the larger car NOW. Oh, you know it totally made sense...we want an "enjoyable" family vacation, and with a tad more breathing room during the loooong trek, hopefully the new car adds to the enjoyment.

So we are now driving a "new-to-us" Yukon XL. So I thought we were getting a Suburban, but I found out these Yukon XL's and Suburbans are exactly the same. Goes to show the wonderful efficiency of the American auto industry. Must be why it is doing so spectacularly right about now.

My favorite extra -- the heated seats. Toasty! Hey, what can I say? We live in Michigan....



Oh, and just had to add a picture of my girls.


We got the double/single bunk beds so there would be lots of room. But they both usually crash on the bottom double, with the dog, of course. The other night I could not resist capturing this moment.

God pursues us

Okay, so I read lots of books to the twins. We have a ton at home, and we go to the library every Monday to get a boatload (or at least a heavy armload) more. We read in the morning, often during the day and always at bedtime. They have had the opportunity to read lots of great stuff.

So, recently, they have begged I read these two bible story books. One is a children's board book about the Easter story, and the other is a devotional that teaches the truths about God. After I do a couple of the "truths", Kume says, "Read more because I loooooove this book" (insert lots of Kume's emphasis). So I read more and more. These books are average as far as great children's books go, but they adore them.

This morning, I woke up to my alarm, with the 2 books on my bedside table. I glanced at the books and it hit me. God is pursuing them. That is why they want to read these again and again. They are drawn to the truth. It resonates with them. It makes sense. They don't have all the different walls adults put up that keep them from embracing the truth. They accept it as children, because they were created to want this story, understand this truth.

How cool is that?

experiences and thoughts

Most of the adoption literature focuses heavily on the child's attachment, while giving very little focus, or none at all, on the parents' attachment to the child. So, I am not going to discuss the child's attachment process here, since there are much better writers who have addressed this comprehensively.

I am writing this post as I have had the chance to encourage and pray with others that recently adopted and are stunned by their own feelings, or lack of them.

These are wonderful parents who "completely fell in love" with their children at referral. Then, once home for a week, a few weeks, a couple of months, the adrenaline is wearing off, and the exhaustion is seeping in. Along with it comes an evaluation of their emotions. These families were stunned, surprised, disappointed, despondent, some even despairing over their lack of emotional attachment.

I have been given the opportunity many times now to share with families some of the normal feelings and reactions parents experience. First of all, it is quite rare (although a wonderful blessing)to have instantaneous connection to your older child at placement. That makes complete sense to me. If someone put a child on my lap at the church nursery and said this child was now mine, I certainly wouldn't be completely attached to him. It takes TIME. Second of all, attachment DOES come. Some families shared the fear that they will never feel connected. Yes, they will. The more nurturing things they can do with their children, snuggling, rocking, picking up, carrying, hugging, stroking, tickling (yes, definitely even an older child)... the more those maternal juices flow.

After I returned home and knew I was committed to these kids, but not completely attached to them, I did some searching on this subject. God graciously kept bringing adoptive moms of older kids into my path. Many, many adoptive moms of older kids have stated that it generally takes half the child's age to the child's age at adoption to feel fully attached. If you are adopting a 6 month old, 3-6 months is no time. If you are adopting a 5 yr old, that time is significantly longer at 2-5 years. But remember, it is a continuum of attachment, not from unattached to fully attached in one moment. So, even during the process it IS good. I just thought this might be something to be aware of for those families that are waiting to bring their little ones home. This is TOTALLY not to discourage you, but actually to help you understand what many families experience, and if you are experiencing it, too, that is OK. Then, share your feelings with trusted people. These people can pray for you during the adjustment, and that is powerful and effective. And there are families that do experience the more immediate attachment. Awesome! Just give yourself permission to feel the way you do, without guilt. And bring it to God. But do love. It is an action word, anyway.

Tomorrow I have the privilege to meet with a dear woman who brought home their 4 yr old daughter recently. She is overwhelmed, discouraged, afraid. I am excited to bring her HOPE. This is part of the journey for many, but it wasn't meant to be walked alone. Certainly, God is THE daily strength and hope, and as she was able to be honest and vulnerable with me, I can also be a support, encouragement. I am excited to walk this road with her and celebrate with her when her little one is snuggled beautifully in her heart.